Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
