...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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