hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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