Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
