so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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