You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did i just pee glitter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
