Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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