i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
