Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize