She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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