remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
