The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
