do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
