R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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