the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize