I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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