I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well you can't waste a boner
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
