I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
