he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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