You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
