my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
