My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
