He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
