I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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