There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize