not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize