I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
