I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
