If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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