There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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