you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
