You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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