If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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