He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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