I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize