Moan for me like Helen Keller
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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