i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
