I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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