I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
