Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
