you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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