Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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