sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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