I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Randomize
