I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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