During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
