You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
