Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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