so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
