ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
