Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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