Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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