how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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