i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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