Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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