I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
