do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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