party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
