I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize