can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
