If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
