So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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