This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
