All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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