I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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