I'm lost and stupid without you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
