Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
