If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize