I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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