It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
