she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
