so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
