plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
did i just pee glitter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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