"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
